I am always sleeping. I make promises to God and do not keep them because I want to sleep instead. Sometimes this is literally; it’s Sunday morning and I should go to mass but I choose to stay home. So, when we can once again enter into the eternal sacrifice of Jesus I am sleeping. Unlike His disciples that deserted him from fear of death, I do it for a cosy morning on the couch.
Other times I sleep by only half attending to the mass or Rosary that I’m offering Him. I’ll be dreaming, the day kind that are inevitably full of ridiculous idols. A perfect home, a ‘skinny’ and attractive me, a successful me…. all idols. I give to them my time, dreaming of how I’m going to achieve these things instead of heaven through the narrow gate.
The rosary and its mysteries are connected to blessings. In the sorrowful mystery the first offering is the regret of sin. I missed mass again today and I’ve become wayward in the desert of Lent. The rosary I promised to offer for 40 days for life has too often been left unsaid. Today though I felt sorrow for not going to mass and turned to my rosary. Instead of the glorious mysteries I’m offering the sorrowful instead; the one I hate. The mysteries tug at your conscience so. As I started my first decade I felt such sorrow for missing my Lord at mass I’m crying.
Lord Jesus, I’m sorry I don’t love you enough. My offerings are always small and unworthy. Yet I know too, as I reflect on this, that my love for you is growing. My awareness of what I do is greater, of how I hurt You. I’m so sorry that I’ve done so today again, and with your help I will not sin in this way again.
May I ask anyone reading this post today to pray for me, that I may keep awake with my lamp alight and I will pray for you too. God bless you this Lenten season.